I look at my search engine results quite a bit and have noticed that several people find my blog by typing in the phrase, “How to come out as an atheist” so I’ve decided to write a bit from my own experience for those who are seeking inspiration.
Step One: Realize you’re an atheist. This may seem to be a given but for the longest time people will have the knowledge that they don’t believe in a god and still label themselves otherwise. You’re an atheist. If you can’t share this with anyone yet, refer to yourself as one privately.
Step Two: Tell a trusted friend, mentor or family member (preferably someone who isn’t too religious himself). This is a test – not for the person you’re telling (well, maybe a little) but to see how well you handle his reaction. Having your friend accept you is the best possible outcome but isn’t guaranteed. If you meet rejection or criticism, don’t be discouraged. You’ll meet much more in the coming years. If you don’t get the reaction you hoped for try coming out to someone else. People will always surprise you.
Step Three: Join an atheist/humanist/skeptical/freethinker meet-up group in your area. If there isn’t one in your area, consider joining atheist-friendly forums like the Richard Dawkins Foundation or the James Randi Educational Foundation. You should definitely join Atheist Nexus where you’ll find tons of like-minded individuals and causes to suit your tastes. You can start your own group, post in the forums or write your own blog entries.
Step Four: Get used to the controversy. A good way of doing this is starting your own blog and receiving negative feedback online which is much less intimidating than someone belching out fiery hallelujahs in your face. Eventually it won’t affect you and you’ll learn that the sort of people who write the most vitriolic responses are not people you’d have in your life in any fashion anyhow.
Step Five: You should have the cojones now. You don’t have to introduce yourself to people by saying, “Hello. My name is Kate Holden and I’m an atheist. What now, punk?” but if the subject is being discussed you should have no shame in sharing your world views. I’ll admit that at my last job I used the term ‘not religious’ as I worked with highly religious people in a small conservative bible-belt town and felt my job would be in jeopardy if I came out to them. That’s pretty much the exception, though.
Step Six: Remember that you’re not alone. Participating in meet-up groups and forums will help you feel like you’re a part of something, especially if you live in an area of the world where being an atheist is particularly bad for your social status. And if all else fails, come out to me. I’ll accept you.
Cuddles
Stumble It!
Some good advice here. This is a very popular topic around the atheist blogosphere, and there is quite a bit of good information and suggestions to be found. I know for me, #6 was critical because I really was convinced for awhile that I was alone and that this meant there must be something really wrong with me. Discovering other atheists and realizing that there was a name for how I felt toward religion was very empowering.
My life is so easy because I’m straight, caucasion, male and a non-believer in a country where religion is not the de-facto standard. At least, after our ancestors had quite some trouble living through the inquisition. But fortunately *we* have that time way past us.
And still there are plenty of idiots here, not just religiots, but it seems people will always find something to make themselves idiots over. But the idiots you learn to ignore, while that is impossible with religiots. So that’s how it is better.
For all non-believers in countries that still suffer from religiots with an inquisition-like mentallity: good luck, hold on, it’s worth it to live in freedom, if not for yourselves it will be for your children.
You have been tagged with a blog meme: http://www.atheistrev.com/2008/12/tagged-with-comment-wars-meme.html
Participate if you like. I certainly won’t mind if you don’t.
excellent post.
I always tell people the time I told my dad I don’t believe in God. His response was, “I raised you better than that!” My response to that was, “You did, you raised me to think for myself.”
We left it at that and never talk about religion. But then again, my dad is just a fake religious person in my opinion. He’s not the most moral person in the world. As an atheist, I have and hold better moral values than he does.
Kate’s description of the process is pretty accurate, especially about referring to yourself as an atheist, even if you don’t publicly. Be true to yourself. Know the arguments and “why” you don’t believe in a deity (or Santa Claus), whether it be “the question of evil” or facts of science and evolution. Learn to flip the script on believers, if it comes to that. The miraculous is, for the most part, an embarrassment for their argument, particularly in light of modern discoveries and science. Have the courage of the convictions you claim. They are what caused you to stop believing in the first place. You can’t “will” yourself into believing again what your certain is false.
“It’s ok to believe in Santa. Just don’t ask too many questions.” Once kids ask too many questions, you couldn’t convince them to believe in the wonderful story of Santa if you tried. The “evidence” has been fabricated, and they‘ve asked too many questions (and so it is with atheists). If you encounter a 30 year old who believes in Santa, step back, and politely ask them if they’ve taken their medication. It’s important.
Sorry for the long comment, Kate.
Peldredge, never be sorry for posting good material. Thank you for your contribution. :)
Kate,
Very nice article. About two years ago I finally realized that I was an atheist, and that I was no longer afraid to say it. First I am self employed, so that helps with not having to worry about work confrontations. Then I also have studied very hard, both the bible and and then countless atheist books that gave me the knowledge and confidence to be able to stand toe to toe with a bible believing bully.
Coming out and finally accpting who you are, I imagine is akin to what the “gays” must have felt like when they came out. It is indeed very liberating to know that you are no longer afraid.
Joe
I agree but take the same work tactic you mentioned. I’m an elementary school teacher, so see no need to be confrontational. My partner teacher is cool about it, and my friends and family are all like-minded so it’s not really an issue. I personally wouldn’t mind talking about it, but as I want to become a school librarian (and work at a school that has had many book challenges) I don’t feel the need to promote my beliefs. I prefer to take the Neil Tyson/Carl Sagan/Steve Novella/Bill Nye/Joe Nickell promotion-of-rationality-and- science over the dismissing-of-religion approach. If pushed, I usually say I don’t go to church or say “freethinker” or just say that I don’t believe in ANYthing supernatural and leave it at that. I’m not often pushed on the issue anyway, so that’s been ok so far.
I have been happy with the large and dynamic presence on the web of atheist and humanist and skeptical groups, though. It can seem lonely out here in the ‘burbs so it’s always nice to know you’re not alone.
Thanks.
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