Cuddly Atheism

I know, I know. It’s been a while since I’ve been in touch, but look … it’s not you, it’s me. Well, maybe you have something to do with it. Ok, if that’s the attitude you’re going to take, it’s all your fault. Look at you! Who wants to come home to this mess every day, especially considering I know you’ve been seeing other bloggers?! Do you know what it’s like to spend all day working hard, marking posts with misleading tags to drag unsuspecting readers to my blog when the whole time you’re sitting there pretty-as-you-please whoring it up for the likes of Pharyngula and the Friendly Atheist? How am I supposed to compete for that? You … you know what? I can’t. I just can’t. So I haven’t been posting. Are you happy now? Good, now maybe we can talk about my day for a change. Jesus.

Now, look honey, don’t get mad…. Promise you won’t get mad or I won’t tell you. Promise? Okay. Wow, this is even more difficult than I thought it was going to be. Okay, out with it. Igotmarried. Now hang on, hang on, hang on, you said you wouldn’t get mad! Wait a minute, I DO still love you! It’s just that I looked into it and it turns out I can’t legally marry a readership in this country because that would amount to polygamy and there’s like a law or something. No, honest, look it up! Man, this is awkward. Remember how I went to TAM7 awhile back? Well, I roomed with this guy, right? I know some of you were suspicious at the time that something might have been going on behind your backs, but look. At the time we were just friends. I swear. Nothing more. Yeah, but then, you see … then we hooked up a little after that and now we’re married. Hey, no, listen. Listen! There’s good news and you won’t very well hear it while you’re yammering on about fidelity and trust issues, will you? Okay, fine. I’ll let you vent, then. I’m sure this is a very difficult time for you.

Are you done? No? Okay….

Yes, thank you. Your feelings matter very much to me. Now that that’s out of your system and I’ve stealthily moved all sharp and heavy objects from out of your reach while you were venting, I’d like to tell you the good news. Okay. The good news is that he says I can still see you! Isn’t that great, cupcake? There! There’s that smile I’ve always loved! I knew you’d come around in the end! Look, I know I’ve done you wrong. I promise to not neglect you like I have these past few months but you have to give me something in return. You just get all your little friends to read me, right? I don’t care how you do it. You can graffiti my link on a bathroom stall door if you like. Here’s a sharpie. It’d probably be more effective to just, you know, casually link to me in high-traffic areas of the internet, though. What? Of course I’m a shameless self-promoter. You knew that coming into this deal. Okay, well, I should wrap this up. My husband Jay just came home and he’s still a little sensitive about this arrangement I have with you. So put your pants back on and sneak out the door while I distract him with an aperitif and a cheese platter. Go on, shoo!

Cuddles,
Kate